1 year to live

As the end creeps near, I am not afraid because I know I lived my life the way I wanted to. I am going to explain to you what I did after I found out that I only had a year to live. It was a day just like any other; I was going in for my normal check up. I then knew something was wrong when I got a phone call from the doctor asking me to come in and see him. At first I thought I was going to get into a lot of trouble because I was pregnant or something. Once I seen the look on his face I knew it was something way worse. He sat my mom and I down and explained to us that I only had one year to live. My mother started to weep, but I was too shocked to even move. We had a meeting and told the rest of my family. I have never seen there faces that way before. When I finally had to tell my friends, I think it was the worst thing that they had ever heard. They all started to cry at the same time, and I thought ‘what are all of you crying for? I’m the one that’s dying here!’ Everyone tried to comfort me by telling me everything is going to be okay. I was very scared, scared of the unknown. Scared of what would happen after I died. Then I decided that there is no time to think of what is going to happen to me and start thinking about what I’m going to do until then. I knew then that I needed to do something about my situation and make the best of it. I started out by apologizing to most of the people I hurt in my life. Then I talked to my family and told them that I wanted to go to Spain, Paris to see the Eiffel tower, and to visit the family members I haven’t seen in a long time. Travelling was very hard for me because I realized that I started to get weaker and slower, but I did it. Once I got back I focused on being with my friends, and trying to do the things I did before I got sick. I made it to do all of these things within 6months. After the 6months passed I had to stay in bed more. My sickness became more fierce, and I was finding myself staying in bed for most of the day. Once I was bedridden the thought of me dying really started to sink in. I realized that I’m never going to get married, have kids, a house of my own, a career; I’m never going to fall in love, never going to grow old with someone and see my grandchildren. All of these things overwhelmed me and for the first time I was able to cry. After I cried I started to get really mad. I started to think ‘Why in the hell is this happening to me! Of all the people in the world it has to be me! I haven’t done anything to deserve this!’ I then realized that I have accomplished things I wanted to do before I died. I’ve been the best daughter, sister, Grand-daughter, Great- Grand- daughter, cousin, and friend that I could be. I travelled to the places I wanted to go. Seen and apologized to the people I needed to. I realized then that I was content and prepared to leave this world behind and start a new one.

Truly yours, Keisha Kruger